Chuck Norris will make you an offer you can't refuse, then make you refuse it.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on a google search it doesn't say, "Did you mean: Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "RUN, while you still have the chance."
While everyone else made paper airplanes as a child, Chuck Norris made paper beards.
During the last Ice Age, Mr T and Chuck Norris encountered each other on a lonesome path in the Alps. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created France.
Chuck Norris owns a magical mirror which allows him to peer out of any other mirror in the world. Any time you undress in front of a mirror in your bedroom Chuck Norris could be watching. But he NEVER does, because YOUR FAT FLABBY BODY DISGUSTS HIM.
Chuck Norris single-handedly canceled Friends by frowning one time.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a Frenchman and using him like a bat to club people.
Chuck Norris not only talks in third person, he sees in third person.
Chuck in the Mushroom Kingdom:
So Youtube are being whiney little girls and took away my geeky kid pwnage video. Instead here's a clip I found of a stick animation featuring you know who.
Okay, instead of leaving you all in the dark wondering where my post for Saturday has gone (as you all care soo much), I'm giving you a heads up - I ain't doing one. Why? Skinny dipping again? More white water? No. I'm away up to Edinburgh (I live 40 miles south of Edinburgh) for a 6 hour Ghost hunting expedition with Paranormal Investigations Scotland.
I love this bit on the booking confirmation: 'Paranormal Investigations Scotland accepts NO responsibility for injury to or the death of any person, or damage to any property arising from your participation in the activities at any attended event.'
So from 12 midnight until 6am I'm getting my Peter Venkman on. 'Who ya gonna call?' :)
Did you know...
Every morning Chuck Norris trims his beard and donates the hairs to NASA, who use them as a vital ingredient in the shuttle re-entry heat shield alloy.
Chuck Norris performs cold fusion in his left testicle, and nuclear fission in his right.
Jesus's Birthday isn't actually December 25th, but Chuck Norris once sent him a Birthday card on that day. Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth, and that's why we celebrate Christmas.
It's said you can't know someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. This means no one will ever know Chuck Norris because he'd kill you if you touched his shoes.
On a hot Texas day, Chuck Norris heard someone say "it's not the heat, it's the humidity that will kill you." Chuck immediately threw him into the sun.
Chuck Norris is just like Jesus, except Chuck Norris won't die for your sins. Instead, you'll die for his.
Bruce Lee never died. The true cause of his disappearance is that he asked Chuck Norris to teach him how to perform a roundhouse kick. Being good friends, Chuck Norris promised to teach him, but only after Bruce Lee embarked on an epic journey of the spirit that is still taking place to this day - entirely within Chuck Norris's beard.
Chuck Norris once saved George Bush from choking on a pretzel by roundhouse kicking him in the throat. Chuck had no idea he was choking.
To continue the trend, I have missed a post this weekend. Not on purpose, but because I was busy doing silly things. Last week I went swimming (drunkenly) in the Sea at 3am, this week we were white water rafting :)
Another video...I'd feel bad now if I didn't post one.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
The 4th and final Llama story. Carl rips the tag off a matress... Caaarrrrlllll......
