Thursday, 21 April 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.5

What happens when an unstoppable force collides with an unmovable object?" That question was answered when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.

Life insurance costs are based on how far away from Chuck Norris you live.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

Caution, offensive jokes ahead:

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.4

When Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.3

Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator. He walked away with a new set of luggage.

Chuck Norris has a dislike button on his Facebook account.

They found Chuck Norris's diary once. It's now known as the Guinness Book of World Records.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.2

Vikings no longer exist because of Chuck Norris' misspent youth.

Chuck Norris is only afraid of two things... Two Chuck Norris'.

The world will end in 2012, if Chuck Norris says so.


Friday, 1 April 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.1

What happens when Chuck Norris orders a beer and gets a beer? He roundhouse kicks the waitress. Chuck Norris should not have to ask.

Chuck Norris once watched David Blaine levitate. He then laughed and flew away.

Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 4.0

Chuck Norris can peel potatoes with his eyelids.

Chuck Norris will make you an offer you can't refuse, then make you refuse it.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on a google search it doesn't say, "Did you mean: Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "RUN, while you still have the chance."  

'uʍop-ǝpısdn ʇuǝʍ ʇxǝʇ ʎɯ os ʞɔıʞ ǝsnoɥpunoɹ ɐ pıp sıɹɹou ʞɔnɥɔ'

Monday, 28 March 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 3.9

If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kicks your ass.

Chuck Norris caught them all, with one PokeBall.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 3.8

While everyone else made paper airplanes as a child, Chuck Norris made paper beards.

During the last Ice Age, Mr T and Chuck Norris encountered each other on a lonesome path in the Alps. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created France.

Chuck Norris owns a magical mirror which allows him to peer out of any other mirror in the world. Any time you undress in front of a mirror in your bedroom Chuck Norris could be watching. But he NEVER does, because YOUR FAT FLABBY BODY DISGUSTS HIM.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 3.7

New archaeological evidence suggests that it was in fact Chuck Norris who defeated Goliath. It also suggests that the tiny pebble was actually David.

When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, Chuck went out and got it back.

When Chuck Norris helps you jump-start your car, remember: Beard is positive, fist is negative.


Monday, 21 March 2011

Fascinating Chuck Norris Facts 3.6

Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

Chuck Norris is the only man to have literally beaten the odds.

Chuck Norris has to sort his washing into three loads: Darks, Whites and Bloodstains.